The picture below says it all. We have received our second rejection letter for an adoption grant. That leaves about three organizations that we have not yet heard from regarding grant applications. I'm suspecting that some organizations may have rejected us because they do not have the money to give us in the first place. Many of these organizations rise and fall upon the generosity of others. If nobody is contributing to their organization, then they do not have money to give out in the formal adoption grants to those couples that really need them. In some cases they probably go to those couples with the most compelling story, and I think ours is pretty compelling but I guess it's not that compelling by comparison.
In the end, I can get the money for this adoption. It's only a matter of how much debt I want to incur. Do I want to take on a lot, or a little? I suppose I could open a go fund me account. That being said I am not sure how much I want to publicize my family building efforts. My wife might not want to publicize it that much, and if were both not on board it does not happen. Where does privacy come in? There are still some people to whom I want nothing disclosed about my quest for a child. Do I really want to grovel for money? I am not putting other people down who ask for money to start their family. I am not good at raising money and asking for money. I feel uncomfortable asking and I'm very sensitive to rejection in this area.
I can hear it now, " if they have to ask for money in order to adopt how on earth are they ever going to be able to afford a child?" Problem with that statement is that people don't understand; those of us who are infertile don't have the luxury of having one night of passionate sex with our husbands or wives and then getting pregnant. On top of that, these fertile types go to the hospital and have the baby and the insurance picks up most of the cost!!! So what are they really getting out of this whole thing? Very little debt, a night of great sex, and a new baby! What do we get? Well I will say that intimacy does not have to suffer just because you are infertile and in fact it is guaranteed to be consequence free. On the other hand, we get to grow another day older and eventually, deeper in debt. We sit and wait while a lot of these fertile types pump out 3, 4 and five kids and then throw it in our face.
To be honest, I am at peace for the most part. I don't spend a lot of days being sad or worrying too much but I'd be lying if I told you there are not times when our situation does not affect me.