Today, I went to my urologist for a follow up and what will most likely be my last semen analysis for all time. I had a feeling going in that I would get another zero count. Unlike my last appointment, I had my wife with me and I did not cry all the way home. I am glad I have a peace about my result; it will help me perform better at my job interview in the state capital tomorrow.
Now, I must decide when to schedule my Micro-TESE surgery, which will reveal if I have any sperm available. I will be paying upwards of $8,000 for this surgery which is not covered by my insurance. It looks like we will have to seek some financial help but still pay for part of it on our own. I am meeting with my parents this weekend to discuss financing. Perhaps my wife's side of the family will throw in some money too. We may actually have debt to pay (we are always debt free) for the first time in seven years. My wife will not like this, but I believe it will be modest debt that we can payoff.
My wife and I have decided to take the next 48 hours or so to pray about our next move. Should we schedule the surgery or move straight to adoption. Right now, I think I should have the surgery so that I will not be left saying "what if" for the rest of my life. The surgery will confirm for me whether or not I am to adopt, or pursue a biological child. Part of me hopes they find nothing. I could see a quest for a biological child getting way more expensive than adoption. It might actually be nice to spare my wife the physical hardship of IVF (As an aside, she has just had a huge seizure before I wrote this post. I found her on the floor of our bedroom convulsing violently). Part of me does not want to hear about biological clocks and egg quality. I don't want to worry about blood tests and numerous doctor appointments. I see adoption as being easier on us emotionally and financially (but certainly not without challenges).
Things are not settled yet. I must take it one step at a time.