Yesterday, we were approved for a loan to finance our adoption. While it will not cover the entire adoption, it is a start. I am waiting on another loan application that will cover the balance of the total amount we will need at this point on the road to parenthood. I had hoped to get the entire amount we needed from one financial institution, but unfortunately the first place we applied would not approve the amount of money for which I had initially asked. This means we will have two different loans going, one is a three year loan and the other, if we are approved, will be a five year loan.
At some point will will apply for grants and interest free loans. Most of the organizations that give out grants or interest free loans want you to have a completed home study. Thus, it will be several months before we can even begin to think about applying for grants and interest free loans.
The financial aspect of adoption continues the be the thing that scares me most about the road to parenthood. The process of adoption itself, while it has hardships, does not seem to be as daunting. If money were no object, I would have more of a peace about adoption. I fear that we will run out of money, or we will not be able to pay back the loans we have taken out to finance the adoption.
On February 1st, we move into our new place. We are already packing. As my wife and I were talking last night, we both agreed that moving is going to be a good thing all around. Leaving our home of the last seven years will good for us in a physical, emotional and psychological sense. We have had both good and bad memories of our home of the last seven years. A change of scene will be good. There will be no memories of unemployment and financial problems in our new home. We won't have memories of our fights abut infertility. I will no longer have memories of crying myself to sleep at night or sending sleepless nights crying my eyes out at 3am. Our new place will not carry the memories of me sitting at our dining room table, going through our mail and opening the envelope with my lab results announcing I had azoospermia. Having an extra room will be one reminder that we must not loose sight of our goal to become parents.
In anticipation of our move, we have placed our sofa and love seat on Craigslist because we are getting our first sectional. Aside from parenthood, having a sectional in my living room has always been a dream that is now becoming a reality. After placing the ad on Craigslist, I found myself browsing through the section on Craigslist with baby stuff. I looked at everything from furniture to clothes. I was picturing my daughter's room and what kind of furniture it might have. I was imaging the toys she might have like blocks and perhaps a tricycle when she is three. There was a time when I would have never done that. I guess part of me is getting excited about parenthood and looking forward with more optimism than worry.